Guest Post: Connecting with Claire’s Community
Our #TDVAM social media intern spent some time learning about a local organization, Claire’s Community. They offer tons of information for all ages, especially teens wanting to learn more during Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Read below for the interview with Shannon VanLandingham, Founding Executive Director, and Nicole Malcom, Outreach Coordinator.
Thank you to our friends at Claire’s Community (Be More Like Claire) for visiting YWCA Northeast Kansas to share more about their work! We’re excited to highlight their resources about healthy relationships for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.
Pictured: Shannon VanLandingham, Founding Executive Director (left) and Nicole Malcome, Outreach Coordinator (right)
Question: In younger relationships, teens might not know how to break up with someone. What are your tips for a healthy break-up?
Shannon: “One of the things that is always hard in a relationship is deciding when to end it. Navigating the ending is a really important part, especially if it's been unhealthy. Once you have decided to end it, you need to make a break-up plan. Sometimes, you may need a safety plan. You need to identify your support system, the people you can go to for help and support. Especially if you think that the person you are breaking up with or ending a relationship with might try and be confrontational, explosive, or angry. One of the good things you can do is to write down the reasons for ending the relationship. And don’t let them talk you out of it. Sometimes we get involved and we have a hard time seeing clearly. If you don’t feel safe, don’t break up in person. Have a trusted friend or adult be with you and make sure you’re safe so things don’t go wrong. You might think about doing it in a public place to be more sure you are safe. You want to make sure when you end a relationship that you also end things like location sharing, change your passwords, and take those precautions to ensure that when you’re ending that relationship you are getting out of it with everything that you have shared.”
Question: Tell us what Claire’s Community is about and how people can get involved with your organization.
Nicole: Claire’s Community is a suite of healthy relationship education and intimate violence prevention. We provide free resources for everyone, whether they are young or older individuals on our website. We also provide education for people learning consent, red flags and green flags within a relationship, what is healthy and what is not, and where to go to seek help if they are experiencing or could be experiencing an unhealthy relationship. It isn’t always an intimate relationship, sometimes it’s learning healthy relationships with your parents, siblings, coworkers, coaches, or peers. All of that is included in healthy relationships.
Claire’s Community offers a ton of great resources, like the Teen Power and Control Wheel, to help young adults learn about healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Question: How can someone support a friend who may be in an unhealthy relationship?
Shannon: When you are supporting a friend and want to talk to them about an unhealthy relationship, there are some do’s and don’t’s. One of the don’t’s is don’t put pressure on them. You can try to open the conversation, but if they’re not ready for it, just back off and let them know you’re here for them. One of the things we see a lot is the worst thing you can do. It’s when people say, “Well, I’ve already told you that you need to break-up, so if you’re not doing that then don’t come back to me. I’m done, I tried to tell you.” That is just more abuse you are heaping on that person instead of support. They have a lot of things to think about that you might not realize, and the best thing you can do is support them, be there when they need you, and not further traumatize someone who is going through a hard break-up.